In this blogpost, we present a range of thought-provoking ideas and anecdotes on the theme of expectations. Two beautiful poems on moving from foolishness to wisdom are also included. Do you think our expectations are also follies in some way? We welcome you to share your perspectives in the comment box below.
At work and at home
By Sri. Srinivas Kumarapuram from Gurugram
At work we expect people to comply. Thus, the expected person, to please somebody important, tends to overdo things beyond his capacity, thus creating enormous pressure to complete the task. When failing to do so as expected, he loses his confidence and becomes submissive forever. Even if he has better ideas to do the same, he will hesitate to express himself sticking to the rote of “Do what you are told”. To make our organizations successful, we can sometimes let go of defined expectations of roles.
At home in our role as parents we expect our child to perform in all subjects in school as well as in sports. Additionally, expectations from extracurricular activities, behaviour, attitude leads us to compare the child with the children of neighbours, friends and even acquaintances creating a lot of pressure on the child. Our expectations affect the child’s personal growth and academics. To make our children succeed, we can instead give them proper guidance and timely advice rather than burden them with our expectations.
Man proposes, God disposes
by Smt. Malavika Ghosh from Gurugram
Misery is a state of unhappiness and distress. The usual cause of misery is expecting something and getting something else instead. I have one such vivid experience. On 25th December 1992, I wanted to join a Christmas party in Kolkata. So, I started from Cuttack early in the morning by the Chennai Howrah Coromandel Express. I was excited about the party and kept dreaming about it! All of a sudden, we passengers felt a big jerk and a jolt, and we screamed and shouted simultaneously. We all felt it. The train had derailed. It took some time to realise it was an accident. Few compartments had overturned. Slowly we helped each other and came out of the train. Outside was a huge harvest land. There was nothing else nearby. I had built up huge expectations for the Christmas party in Kolkata but instead like the train my dreams had derailed for the moment.
Freedom in being
by Smt. Geeta Dhyani from Mumbai
If we analyse our life, we find that that often we are miserable because life did not turn out according to our expectation. As a mother, I have expectations from my children; as a wife, I have expectations from my husband; while my children and husband may be blissfully unaware of it and even if they are aware they may not be in a position to fulfil it. This not only makes me miserable but puts a strain on those for whom I care. In the transactional world having expectations is normal. My boss expects me to meet my deadlines – that is fair enough. I can’t expect my boss to have no expectation from me, that would not be fair. But with life, friends and human relations one of the sure causes of misery is expectations and sometimes unrealistic ones!
Swami Vivekananda said, “we are all beggars. Whatever we do, we want a return. We are all traders. We are traders in life, we are traders in virtue, we are traders in religion. And alas! we are also traders in love”.
When good things happen as expected, it gives us happiness but when good things happen without any expectations it gives us joy. A flower blooms spreading it fragrance, a tree with its thick foliage gives shade to weary travelers, the meandering river flowing gracefully gives bountifully to all. All along nature gives without expectation. We may still have much to learn.
Folly
by Dr. Anuradha Balaram from Gurugram
As a child I looked at my parents in awe
As I grew, I saw in them many a flaw
And wondered why they were not perfect!
What folly! Parents are human too
As a youth I thought I could change the world
I thought I knew how to set things right
I marched on with more aggression than sense
What folly! I could have listened to the wise
Marriage, I thought was a garden of roses
Always smooth and joyful I thought it would be
Each partner would automatically know what the other wanted
What folly! All relationships need to be nurtured carefully
As a parent I thought my children would be exceptional
And charter their life according to my plan
I yelled and insisted on them listening to me
What folly! Each child creates its own destiny.
As a professional I thought achievement was the goal
And did not give my health or talents adequate thought
I burnt midnight oil and took on much stress
What folly! A balance is called for.
As an older person I thought my life would be boring
With nothing much to do or learn
I thought my days would pass without cheer
What folly! When I can volunteer
Expectations: A working woman’s perspective
by Smt. Anamika Jeypaul from Dubai
As a wife, a mother and a working professional, the expectation is one of balance among family, home, friends and work. As a first, I’ve learnt with time not to carry work, the related frustrations, or my imposing title at home. I leave them at my doorstep and enter as the cheerful wife and mother. I manage my home just as effectively, but neither am I called a ‘manager’ nor do I demand any respect for that twin self. There are moments when my true personality is not clear even to me, but the wiser voice within guides me to what’s really important – the love and care I give.
All mornings are spent listening to meeting chatters and evenings are spent listening to much important chatters of young minds making sense of their world. I am paid to manage people in the day and but I hold back from managing lives in the evenings so they can learn by themselves what the world means. Sick children equal taking days off from work which equal putting in extra time at work later to play catch up. Alternately, I can demand time off from work but not a moments rest from work at home.
The time that I relish are the ones spent on creative expressions, in keeping a beautiful home, cooking creatively, creative problem solving with the kids and at work. I am expected to keep traditions alive and all the work that goes into it is mine alone to bear. But what I expect of myself is nurturing the seed of spirituality and the power of prayer in my children, so I find time for this most important duty.
What expectations from me are justified? The ones others place on me or the ones I place on myself? I may not have an answer, but I’m happy that we live in times where I can fit my world around the knowledge that it’s okay to drop the ball sometimes so long as you get back up and start to juggle again.
Expectations: From and of a homemaker
by Smt. Arpita Sud from Gurugram
We understand expectations from any assigned work, once we understand the role we are meant to play in the whole scheme of things. Therefore, organizations have clear work profiles for employees to consider before they apply for the job, saving the trouble of an expectation mismatch.
Does this concept also apply to homemakers - our mothers, our aunts, our sisters, our friends - the wives, when they work for the benefit of the family within the home or even outside of it. This role doesn’t come with any set expectations other than that small stipulation of incomparable perfection, silent obedience and complete loyalty. The oath is taken on the night of the wedding cheer and every moment thereafter most women watch themselves fail before their eyes and those of the society. Their desire to help, nourish, care, create and serve is at best rewarded with expensive gifts or at worst ridiculed as an escape into comfort.
Instead of the struggle to define the role of a homemaker, I choose to define the expectations I have from myself and from my life:
From others, all that I expect is some space of quiet time to call my own
